Too Much?

Imagine this situation: You are at some type of communal meal with LOTS of delicious [or not so delicious] food, and at some point between chewing and talking you realize that you are full. Like, really full. Like, borderline uncomfortable full. But for some reason you keep eating.

I imagine that this situation is not entirely unknown to most people out there. There are meals, in fact, where it seems we are expected to overeat in this matter (think Thanksgiving, Passover Seders, and other holidays). Still, with my history, that ‘too full’ sensation can bring on feelings of negativity, hopelessness, loss of control, and disgust with myself. Reading back over that last sentence, it all sounds a little melodramatic. But truly, feeling “too full” or as though I’ve eaten “too much,” can leave me with low self-confidence and high self-criticism. Why the “quotations?” Because I know, rationally, that while being too full is a real physical sensation, the imagined consequences of that “too full” are fictional. As I was told a hundred times during recovery, “it all evens out.” Yes, if I stuffed myself every time I ate, then there would likely be some perceivable difference after a period of time. But occasionally eating a meal that is too large will not instantaneously change my body or my being. It will ‘all even out’ through my regular healthy lifestyle.

Confession: Tonight I ate too much. My body was full, but I kept eating.

There was a time when this fact would have led me to restrict my diet tomorrow and hit the gym for much of the day. But, not today. I know now that a healthy weight and lifestyle are not determined by one meal or one event. It is about balance.

Confession #2: Even though I ate too much, the food tasted good, I enjoyed the people I was with, and I have a great weekend ahead of me.

I know that what’s most important is not how I chose to eat one meal, but how I choose to live each day.

3 thoughts on “Too Much?

  1. “I know now that a healthy weight and lifestyle are not determined by one meal or one event. It is about balance.”
    I’m very much struggling to remember this. I always want today to be The Day, always try to convince myself that This Time it will be different, the turning point, etc. etc. etc., and really I want to be in an advanced state where it’s all not so much a struggle but my established lifestyle. Right now I weigh 10 more pounds than I want to, restrict and then binge, can’t say no to foods I like, and exercise for 2 hrs every day. Life is not happy.

    • I think the most important thing is to learn how to be happy with how you are right now (and not 10 pounds thinner). Because the unfortunate truth is that when you are 10 pounds thinner you will likely still be unhappy and want to lose another 10 pounds. Don’t let your eating disorder trick you into thinking it will eventually make you happy. It won’t. I am sure that you are a wonderful and beautiful person exactly as you are right now. 🙂

      • That is very sweet–thank you so much for the encouragement. Yeah, it’s a difficult conception to accept that eating disorders are all about the inside, not the outside.

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